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Arguing in front of your kids? Here is what you need to know

 

We were coming back from a place when me and my partner had an argument. My son just yelled and said, “Stop fighting”. My little one had a tough time that day. Is that to do with mommy and daddy arguing?

Raising a kid is a very stressful and complicated undertaking and it takes a lot of strain on your marriage even in the best of your circumstances. Conflict is the part of every relation and sometimes it is unavoidable to argue in front of the kids. And here lies our concern as a parent.

Does it hurt your child when you fight with your partner in front of them?

According to the earlier research theories, many researchers have assured parents that there is no harm fighting in front of the kids as long as they see their parents making up afterwards. But according to the new development in psychological study, it has been proved that when they hear angry yelling or shouting, their stress hormone shoots up. Even when they are asleep, they can still recall hearing those shouting, angry conversation.

Whenever the child is upset or angry or scared of anything, the parents are his/her place for comfort. Imagine the kid see his/her parent fighting or yelling at each other. The world for them becomes a scary place to live in.

To the worse, when adult fight and yell at each other, it gives the message to their children that this is the grown-up way of handling things. The fight, yelling and shouting has bad effects on the children. Along with their stress level, it also causes the anxiety issue which makes it difficult for kid to fall asleep.

 

So, does it mean that there should be no disagreements between parents in front of the kids?

Its good for kids to see their parents disagreeing with each other respectfully and ask for what they need without proving the other person wrong. In short children learn and benefit from the healthy disagreement. It happens when you are very angry and has a very hot temper, but if you quickly resolve the issue with your partner and your children see you reconnecting, you are actually setting up the true example of any relationship.

Don’t worry if you are getting into an argument and solving it respectfully but remember when it exceeds and go beyond to yelling and shouting, you are moving out of the healthy zone. So, when you think that matter is not solving, and you cannot respectfully agree with each other in front of the kids. Use a code word “I think you are right, but we need to talk more on that later”.

Be sure to summon your sense of humor if the argument is getting heated up. Make sure you hug your partner after the fight in front of the kid. It will help them to relax and believe that the parents are going to work out things positively.

 

What if the damage happens? What if you yell or shout at your partner in front of the kid?

Don’t panic……...

Your child will be not with affected with one single encounter of the fight between you and your partner. The risk factor lies with the repeated experiences. Don’t worry. Try this experiment and try to see everything through your child’s eyes.

Observe few things when you have a disagreement on any topic

  1. Do voices stay at the calm level?
  2. Does the tone stay respectful all the time?
  3. Is the tone in the home same and full of warmth and support?
  4. Do you find ways to express your needs and wants without attacking each other?
  5. Do you make a point of making up in front of your children?
  6. Is your child able to see the emotional generosity on both sides?
  7. Are you contemplating some positive interaction with every negative one?

 

These practices are good for your relationship. They model both healthy agreement and disagreement for your child to see and learn from. We must realize that kids are smarter than we think, and their development and intelligence begin at birth. Peaceful parenting is what matters in all age group.

Are you thinking that your fight can use a tune-up to shift to a healthy mode? Do try all these steps and you will definitely find a difference.

Happy Parenting!!

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