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Which Parenting style are you following?

 

While coming from park with my son, I came across a voice of a mother strictly ordering her son not to go out. He was crying so wishfully to go. But she was so adamant, and he understood. When I came home and shared this incident with my husband, he told me that we should too be strict as Ahaan is getting naughty day by day. That night I kept thinking, who is Right, Me or Her?

Next morning, I started researching and came across the theory of Parenting style. Yes, you read it right, the theory of Parenting styles. Before that I was in a notion, that there are no parenting styles. This theory was given by Diana Baumrind which explains how these styles effect the child’s behavior. This made me wonder that the way I am parenting my child and bringing him up, is it good? Am I opting a right approach?

You all might be questioning yourself right now. Every parent usually adopts the same parenting style, they were raised with. P.S (Remember your mother saying, I used to be lenient with you, why are you being so strict?) It is because we need to understand that every child is different and so is their need. So how can we blindly follow the same old traditional method?  Every child needs different experience to shape the best of their ability.

With research, I finally jotted down the 4 types of Parenting Style, their pros and cons, to make it easier for you to choose what suits best for your child.

  1. Authoritative Parenting: This is one of the Parenting styles that one should follow. It sets up the clear guidance in front of the child to ensure the good behavior. The child is given constant support both physical and emotional when in need. This parenting usually brings the best out of your child. The parents who follow this parenting style listen to their kids, give them support and warmth along with setting limits and ensuring fair discipline. Both the parent and the child need to work hard in order to make this parenting style work. There are various characteristics of this style of parenting.
  • Parents listen to the child.
  • They constantly encourage their kids.
  • They allow their children to express their needs, opinions and their self.
  • Sets examples for them.
  • They set rules and if rules broken, administer fair and proper discipline.
  • They place limits and sets some expectation from the kid.

Research says that the children who are raised with authoritative parenting style are happy at disposition. They have good social skills and are self-confident. They develop the ability to try new things and excel in that.   

  1. Authoritarian Parenting: Sounds exactly like the Authoritative parenting style, but it is just the opposite. This is the parenting style where parents have high expectation from the child but are not ready to give support and encouragement to them. Have you heard of those parents who just order I need this done, not knowing how the child will be able to do it and without realizing that they might need a little bit of help in the form of encouragement? Parents have a high expectation from the child and there are some strict rules which is expected from the child to follow. If the rules are broken, the child is punished very harshly.

There are various characteristics of Authoritarian Parenting.

  • Parents do not express some warmth and nurturing towards their child. Their behavior is rude and harsh. Rather than encouraging the children when they do something difficult, they keep on yelling and criticizing. In short, they want everything according to them.
  • They don’t give their children much choices in life. Its not that that they don’t trust them, but in fact they believe their choices are the best. It is just like the phrase that we usually talk about. “It’s either my way or highway”.
  • They don’t have patience to deal with misbehavior. If the child is misbehaving, rather than giving it a thought and explaining the child by positive reinforcement, they deal in corporal punishment. Corporal punishment includes spanking, locking them in the room.
  • The parents have high expectation and demands from the child but is not ready to acknowledge the child’s effort. They have whole set of books of rules which they must follow despite of wherever they go. They have one set of rules for the child when he/she is at home and one set when they are out.
  • Have you heard of the phrases from the parents yelling at their children? Why can’t you do this? How many times do I have to tell you this? Why do you always do that? Parents who follow the authoritarian parenting style believes that this is the best way to get them do something right. They believe that constant nagging rather than encouragement will help them improve.

Children who are raised with this kind of approach, are dependent on their parents for day to day activities as they are scared to do anything new. They have low self esteem and usually portrays the aggressive behavior outside home. They are very introvert and do not gel well with the society. They believe behaving well and obedience is what is called Love. They usually suffer from self-anxiety and depression.

 

  1. Permissive Parenting: Have you seen parents who love their child to much extent that whether the child do wrong or say something bad, they laugh and ignore and love them even more. This kind of Parenting is called Permissive Parenting. This kind of parenting is characterized by less demand from the child but giving them whole lot of love and support. They do not hover over their child and gives them space and always have the motto ready with them that is “Kids will be Kids”. They enforce minimum rules and instructions on them, and they care less as to how the child is behaving at home or publicly.

The characteristics of this kind of Parenting are:

  • Parents are usually very nurturing and loving towards their children.
  • They do not impose any such rules or define any boundaries for them.
  • They ask for the child’s opinion for taking the major’s decision.
  • They are more friend to the child rather than a parent.
  • They rely on bribery to get their work done. Have you seen parents trying to bribe the child? If you will do this, I will get you a toy. I also sometimes do it. There is nothing wrong in it if you do it, but it should not be on a regular basis. I do it to give encouragement to my child.
  • They do not maintain any structure or schedule for their child.

Children who are raised with this kind of Parenting style usually makes the worst decisions in their life. They do not have the problem-solving skills. As they are more pampered, they are dependent on their parents. They face the low academic achievement as their parents have no expectations from their child, so they have nothing to strive forward.

  1. Neglectful Parenting: This type of Parenting is much worse than that of Permissive parenting. It is also called as uninvolved parenting. Parents are not involved in the whole process. Children are given Food, Clothing and Shelter but apart from them they do not get any love, support or nurturing from their parents. Just the name suggests the children are neglectful towards their kid.

Characteristics of this kind of Parenting are:

  • Parents are emotionally distant from the child.
  • They offer no support and guidance to the children.
  • They offer no supervision
  • They show little warmth or love towards their children.
  • They do not attend the parent teacher conference and have no interest in their overall development.

Children who are raised with this kind of Parenting is usually self-withdrawn. They know that they must provide for themselves. They develop fear, anxiety and stress. They are more emotionally withdrawn.

 

Its not that you are following the wrong parenting style. You as a parent is the best judge as to how you can nurture your child in the best and effective way. It just the different types of parenting style for you to choose the best attributes from them in order to make your parenting style more productive and fruitful.

Just remember one thing that you are the best judge for your child. Do share with me which parenting style do you follow. I will share your parenting style on my blog. Keep sharing and Happy parenting!!

Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash

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